I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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