Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
