then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
