I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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