we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All the doctor said was why
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
