Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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