After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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