my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
