The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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