Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
