good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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