I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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