Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is Oprah even human
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
