there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
