sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is my gift to your gina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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