My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
