There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
