4 words: hood of his car
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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