I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
