nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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