His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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