So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
