is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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