I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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