I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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