Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she looked like the before picture.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
