my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
