dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
