I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
