i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
