Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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