do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
