so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
