I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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