Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
