Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
