I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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