I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
