he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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