If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
