I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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