Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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