She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
