youre lurking in front of me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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