Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
