I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
