So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Randomize
