ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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