ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
