Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
